Originally published at bcvsbc.blogspot.com on 4/ 25/18

This is probably the hardest thing I have ever had to write in my life.  The reality is that everything is going to change and with that knowledge a desire to cling to the sense of "normal" I have had for as long as I could.  However, the time is fast approaching and my new normal is set to begin tomorrow because surgery is scheduled....I have Breast Cancer.

I guess lets start with how this all happened.  Some may know this, others enjoy getting to know me on a more intimate level.  I found my fist lump at the age of 12 in my right breast.  There was never any reason to be concerned but doctors stressed the importance of self breast exams to me back then.  By the time I was 18 the original lump I had found 6 years prior was going to an uncomfortable size.  For a young woman with breast barley a size B, I was self conscious about the lump being noticeable, because it was.  So we did a lumpectomy and found out it was not one lump but five.  Thankfully all of them were benign.

Fast forward almost 20 years and I'm 37, still doing my own breast self exams (even though no doctor really stresses the importance of these anymore), and armed with the knowledge that I have lumpy breast and will always feel bumps...but in March a lump that I was confident had always been around started to change.  Let me specify that when doing self exams it is better to do it about a week after your period, so only once a month.  It was during that time I thought it felt different from what I remembered in February.  The concern lead me to check it the following week, and then the week after that.  The concern lead me to ask Scott (my husband) to come feel it (he's a man so of course he jumped at the chance to grope my breasts).  He agreed that yes it felt different so I made an appointment for Monday, April 6th.  The OB felt it, said next step was imagining, reminded me that 1 in 8 women get breast cancer now and sent me on my way. 

Deep down I think I knew it was going to be "something" so I went straight to radiology and asked for the first appointment available.  On Friday April 6th I had a mammogram and ultrasound done.  I didn't know this at the time but the Kaiser I was at is a Nationally Accredited Breast Cancer Center.  What that means is that the radiologist and all the technicians I was seeing that day are trained to see cancer.  After the mammogram I headed into another room for the ultrasound portion and a doctor came into the room.  The tech and the doctor started talking about stuff quietly and pointing at the screen discussing if they needed to turn on color, get different angles, remeasure sizes, etc. then stopped and the doctor asked me to sit up and cover myself.  He pulled up images on the computer and said he had no doubt that what we were looking at on the screen was Breast Cancer.  Honestly I don't know what else he said after that because I froze. 

I found out that day that it was cancer and that the lump I had felt was not alone, he had two friends that were hanging out in my breast with him.  On top of the three masses that were visible I had calcification that were visible throughout my entire breast.  The only question I could think of to ask was could they tell if it had spread and at the time my imaging wasn't showing it inside my lymph system.  He discussed next step, biopsy, and after that mastectomy due to the size of masses and amount of cancer. 

Monday the 9th I went back in for two biopsies.  On Thursday the 12th I got the call that yes they were both positive for cancer.  The irony is that the next appointment was Friday the 13th and that was when I got to learn the specifics of what I have.  Breast Cancer is an interesting beast, it is not uncommon, but each case is very unique.  For me it is really an estimate of what we think is going on inside me.  My tumors are graded at a 3, that means they are the most aggressive.  Of the three masses, my largest is over 2.4cm which is an inch or larger.  I have 3 different types of cancer inside my breast: Invasive Ductal Carcinoma, Invasive Lobular Carcinoma, and DCIS all over the breast.  They are estimating me to be at stage II, but they think it I might be closer to stage III.  My cancer is also HER-2 positive.  This is the most aggressive type Breast Cancer you can get, which is frightening, but thanks to Dr. Slamon and Genentech, there is an amazing drug that has been created to fight my specific type of cancer.

Tomorrow, April 25th, I will be undergoing a sentinel node biopsy to determine if the cancer has spread to my lymph system, followed immediately by a bi-lateral mastectomy (both boobs are outta here) and immediate reconstruction.  Once we get the pathology results back I will know more about what our next step will be, either radiation (if in my lymph system), or chemo and that will start about month after. 

Now everyone is up to speed!

If there is one thing I can ask of anyone that knows me and is reading this blog, please, please don't ask my kids questions about this.  The scariest part about being told I have cancer is that there is no way of shielding my children from the pain and fear they are going to have to endure as they watch me fight this.  I am going to try  as hard as I can to keep their life happy and normal, to be the mom I have tried to be from the first day I held Brody in my arms which is present, loving, funny, and most importantly, alive.

If you wondered why I titled my blog Biedermann Crew vs. Breast Cancer and not Alicia vs. Breast Cancer it is because  when you get cancer it effects so many more people than just the person that has the disease.  I'm new to the cancer clan but can attest to the fact that it might be harder on those around me than it is on me.  Scott, my parents, and siblings, and their spouses are going to need help.  I have no idea what that will be; a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen, a night out away from all the heavy stuff.  If you are able to do that for them I would appreciate it.  I am going to lean on them a lot in the coming year and it's a ripple effect.  You help them, they help me, everyone is better together! 

For now please just keep my little family in your prayers.  I feel selfish asking but I know that this is so much bigger than me and I am going to need all the help I can get.  If you want to get in touch it is easier to leave comments on here than texts, phone calls, facebook, email, etc.  I will do my best to respond to them and to keep the blog up dated.  And if you could still do self breast exams, it literally can save you life.