Today my oldest child turns 12. It isn’t a big birthday, no double digits, not officially a teen, nor able to buy lottery tickets or a beer, but for me, it’s everything. All of my life I dreamt of BEING a mom. In fact my mom loves to remind me that as a little girl I’d tell her I was going to have enough babies to fill up an 18-wheeler. It seems God knew that was a few too many and only graced us with three…thank you Lord! But today I’m a little more grateful that I was able to enter motherhood.

Life takes us on some unexpected journeys, many that we might never have picked for yourself. Those journeys are what define who we are, they chisel away revealing the ingrained character inside us that ultimately becomes a piece of our soul’s foundation. When first diagnosed with cancer I wished that it had struck me before I had my children, there by eliminating them from ever having this be a part of their own story. With the second diagnosis I prayed that the cancer would leave and wait till I was in my golden years allowing me to relish every milestone of my kids lives. But for reasons unknown to me, This moment is when cancer is suppose to be a part of my family, and my life.

I may never know why this time is when I was suppose to have cancer, but there is one thing I do know. My fear of cancer effecting my children gets a bit smaller each day. There are so many things I want to teach them, and as crazy as it sounds cancer is helping me do it.

In a world we’re kindness seems to be shown by hitting “like” and less about actions, my kids are realizing that words and actions matter. They are seeing first hand how the smallest gesture of help can bring an abundance of blessings to the person on the receiving end. My little family has been on the receiving end of this type of kindness numerous times, and when we have had the opportunity to help others in need, my kids have rallied to do it. Two years ago I’m sure they would have helped me but there would have been lots of complaining.

Today, as I watched my girls bear hug their brother (while he pretended to hate it), I couldn’t help a bittersweet feeling roll over me. The relationship that they have is so much closer and deeper because they have a mom that has cancer. I watched them and thought, no matter what happens to me they will have each other. I couldn’t ask for anything more than that.

So today, the day I became a mother, I am a little more appreciative of this role.

Originally posted at bcvsbc.blogspot.com on 05/01/18

The kids stayed with my mom and sisters on the Friday after my surgeries so that they could do something fun and to keep their mind off me.  Grayson (my nephew) had a spring carnival at his school so all the cousins went.  My kids refused to tell me anything that they did when they got home, only saying it was fun and that they had a surprise for me.

This surprise waited until my sisters came over to help them later that night.  Shortly before bedtime the kids locked themselves in Scott and my room.  There was a lot of laughing and loud whispering heard through the door.  One of them would pop out for more tape, clothespins, or a crayon. 

Finally after what felt like hours they came and got me to reveal this…

It was adorable.  Strung across the room on twine were all kinds of art projects that the three of my kids had made.  Some of the artwork had little messages on them telling me they loved me or to get well soon.  Others were of animals or bugs they had drawn in my favorite colors.  Every where I looked were pictures they had made for me in bright, cheerful colors.  You can see in the picture that I can't even lift my arms up to hug them but I was squeezing the heck out of them in my mind. 

That night I laid back in my chair and looked up at the beautiful artwork my amazing children had created for me and the only thing I could think was that I will never, ever let cancer steal a single moment from my kids and me. 

Originally published at bcvsbc.blogspot.com on 4/29/18

In case you didn't know, I have a pretty large family, 3 brothers and 2 sisters.  We are pretty lucky that we also have a family business that has kept most of us close together over the years with only my oldest brother, John, moving outside of California.  When I told everyone what was going on John talked privately with my parents and told them he needed to come out and see me before the surgery. 

John rearranged his schedule so that he could have almost a day with me.  He showed up on Tuesday afternoon and left early Wednesday morning so that he could fly out to his next meeting.  There isn't anything that can change having cancer but the people around you can make it a lot less frightening.  Having John  do all of this made me so grateful to have him as my big brother.  There is just something about a big brothers hug that helps make things better.

We didn't do anything for those few hours, just spent time together and talked.  John has always been a good sounding board for me and having him there helped me to find comfort before heading into surgery.  With the help of my dad, brother-in-law Ryan, and John they gave me a blessing prior to the surgery too.   

I think one of the truths I have learned throughout the past few weeks is that there is an entire different level of unconditional love that I had yet to understand.  My family has always been close knit.  In fact I have yet to meet another family quite like mine.  It is something I have always cherished and felt lucky to have been born into.  It is something I have tried to replicate in Scott and my little family.  I feel blessed beyond words for the love and support that my parents and siblings have given to me. 

When you are the odd man out like John, thousands of miles away, it is hard to not be here during times like this.  I understand that feeling of helplessness and the desire to do something for someone you love.  Yesterday John and JoAnn with Tyler and Brinley sent me this picture...

Underneath they wrote "TX Lowry's Unite". 

 Near or far, we are always TOOOOOOOOOGETTTTTHHHHHHERRRRRR and Lowry strong.