Motherhood

Today my oldest child turns 12. It isn’t a big birthday, no double digits, not officially a teen, nor able to buy lottery tickets or a beer, but for me, it’s everything. All of my life I dreamt of BEING a mom. In fact my mom loves to remind me that as a little girl I’d tell her I was going to have enough babies to fill up an 18-wheeler. It seems God knew that was a few too many and only graced us with three…thank you Lord! But today I’m a little more grateful that I was able to enter motherhood.

Life takes us on some unexpected journeys, many that we might never have picked for yourself. Those journeys are what define who we are, they chisel away revealing the ingrained character inside us that ultimately becomes a piece of our soul’s foundation. When first diagnosed with cancer I wished that it had struck me before I had my children, there by eliminating them from ever having this be a part of their own story. With the second diagnosis I prayed that the cancer would leave and wait till I was in my golden years allowing me to relish every milestone of my kids lives. But for reasons unknown to me, This moment is when cancer is suppose to be a part of my family, and my life.

I may never know why this time is when I was suppose to have cancer, but there is one thing I do know. My fear of cancer effecting my children gets a bit smaller each day. There are so many things I want to teach them, and as crazy as it sounds cancer is helping me do it.

In a world we’re kindness seems to be shown by hitting “like” and less about actions, my kids are realizing that words and actions matter. They are seeing first hand how the smallest gesture of help can bring an abundance of blessings to the person on the receiving end. My little family has been on the receiving end of this type of kindness numerous times, and when we have had the opportunity to help others in need, my kids have rallied to do it. Two years ago I’m sure they would have helped me but there would have been lots of complaining.

Today, as I watched my girls bear hug their brother (while he pretended to hate it), I couldn’t help a bittersweet feeling roll over me. The relationship that they have is so much closer and deeper because they have a mom that has cancer. I watched them and thought, no matter what happens to me they will have each other. I couldn’t ask for anything more than that.

So today, the day I became a mother, I am a little more appreciative of this role.