Round 15

I had my treatment on Friday but before it I was able to attend my youngest daughter’s performance at school. The school district has 3rd and 4th graders do a music program through Carnegie Hall and the school puts on a showcase of what they learned. I was able to attend Reyna’s performance a few weeks ago (they are at different schools) and it was fabulous. While watching Reyna’s I was fine, not emotional at all, just happy and proud. Sitting there watching Emery I was a mess knowing that I would be leaving to head back to the oncology department at the end of the assembly.

As I sat there and watched I couldn’t help but realize that I might not have been sitting there watching my child if I hadn’t been diligent about checking my breasts and going to the doctor. It seems like such a small every day task that had I overlooked or put off longer (going to the doctor) would have resulted in my presence ending on this Earth. I am sure that people think I am emotionally unstable because they have no clue what is going on in my life but with these thoughts in my head I had to make a very conscious effort to not start crying. Every little thing my kids do I enjoy, no matter how big or small, and I am just overwhelming thankful that I did not wait and because of that I get to be here to experience my babies lives.

This was round 15 of my targeted chemo treatment. I was lucky enough to get a great nurse, one I had not had before, but who I have talked with numerous times over the past year. Unfortunately my mate in the chair next to me was having a rough go with his chemo and vomited the entire hour I was there. So, so, so glad I never vomited! His sweet wife must have been there with him and kept calling him, I think, asking to come back in. I was listening and shouldn’t have been but his ringer was not on silent and she honestly would call every 5 minutes (at one point I started to time it on my phone). Each time he would say as politely as possible while vomiting “NOT YET”. By the time I left she was still waiting to come in and sit with him.

When people say you are strong for fighting cancer I know it isn’t me that is the strong one, it is my family. It is my kids for trying to deal with things they should never ever have to deal with as children. It is my parents that have to watch their child go through something painful and scary. But most of all it is Scotty, my partner in life that takes the brunt of it. They are the strong ones. They try to give support even when they don’t know how, they try to make us laugh when things just aren’t funny, and they try to remain positive even when you can’t. That poor man next to me was trying to shield his wife from one ugly part of cancer. I get it. But all I could think of was that they loved each other and it made me very happy that Scott has stuck by my side through this rough ride.

I did have one odd thing happen at my infusion and that was at the end when they removed the IV from my port. Once it was taken out my port wouldn’t stop bleeding which has never happened. The nurse applied pressure for probably a minute or so and it bleed through the gauze. We got more and tried again….then again. Finally we got it to slow down enough that they let me leave telling me to check it in an hour or so. If it bleed through the gauze I was to call back otherwise all good. Well it did eventually stop bleeding, about two hours after I got home from the appointment, but I was left with a bruise on my port area.

I didn’t think to much of the bruise in fact the picture above was yesterday (5 days later) and you can see the bruise is super faded. However, I had a video appointment with my oncologist and she immediately started asking me questions about the bruising because it was visible in my tank top. In retrospect I wish I had been more concerned about it and kept it covered because now she wants me to start doing blood tests again. I feel okay so I don’t think my blood counts are low but she wants to start checking them again. This is frustrating to me only because I have THREE MORE TREATMENTS. Once we start checking counts it brings back the possibility of postponing treatment. I am so not doing that. NO FREAKING WAY. Of course my oncologist explained that typically patients don’t have bleeding issues on the targeted treatment. But then again they also don’t have the insane diarrhea, eyelashes falling out, finger nails cracking in half (which never happened on the hard chemo), or painful redness all over their feet either. I am just special I guess.

Three more treatments.

The light at the end of the tunnel is getting real bright people.