One HOT Mama

Originally published at bcvsbc.blogspot.com on 11/05/18

It is 2:33 in the morning and I am wide awake because I am on fire.  My body literally feels like it is burning. One would think I must be sick with the flu or something, but I'm not.  What I am is paused, chemopaused, aka chemically induced menopause, and let me tell you it SUCKS.

Previously I had discussed chemopause and the disappearance of my period but since then there hasn't been any one side effect that was directly related to it (except the 15 pound weight gain that I seriously hope is).  But now that hot flashes from hell have decided to reek havoc on my body I can tell you that these are definitely from being in chemopause. 

Who the hell decided to name them hot "flashes"?  Flash implies that they are going to be fast, over suddenly, even fleeting, or blink and you miss it.  SO NOT TRUE!  They last longer than a few minutes,often times they hit off and on for over three hours, and they are so much worse at night while I am trying to sleep than any other time.  The only part about them that is worthy of the word "flash" is that as soon as they start my body "flashes" into a sudden sweat.  I look like I should be on some weird Saturday Night Live skit due to the amount of sweat suddenly pouring off my body in 70 degree weather.  It is embarrassing,  disgusting, and super weird. 

For now I am unsure if this is something I will be staying in.  A lot of women that are under 40 with breast cancer are kept in a chemical induced menopause because they have hormone receptors that feed the cancer.  Since I do not have that specific hormone receptor my oncologist and I have not discussed this yet so there are a few things that could happen.  First, I could be told we are going to keep me this way and I will eventually be put on medicine to maintain the menopause.  Second, I could be told I don't need to be kept this way and my body will eventually turn the chemopause off and start functioning like a young lady (okay I am closer to 40 than 30 so young-ish, middle age, I don't know) again.  Last, my body could decide that the hard chemo was too much and just stay this way.  This is not common but I have met quite a few ladies that never naturally went out of chemopause.  Guess it is one of those fun wait and see games cancer plays with you.