The Pain That Comes From Living

I just found out that a dear friend and co-worker of mine passed away this morning. Dale was one of the most genuine guys you would ever meet. He worked off and on for our family business, and because of that, felt like a member of my family. Last month he went to the emergency room and it was while there he found out he had stage IV lung cancer.

My heart aches and my head hurts. Why? That is the only thought in my head right now. Why him? Why Esther? Why Kerri? There are so many people that have cancer, why are all the most amazing people the ones that are dying from this disease?

There is no answer, I know that, but it doesn’t help the sadness that I feel. Part of me is thanking the Lord for sparing him the pain that cancer brings as end of life nears. The other part of me is screaming inside at the injustice that another wonderful human being has been taken.

All this makes me reflect on my own diagnosis. Why am I still here and not someone else? How can I possibly not be defeated by this disease when all around me those that I love have been? I try, desperately some days, to be positive, to be hopeful, to just endure, but today is harder than most to keep the smile on my face.

Sometimes the pain in my heart from living through cancer is horrendous. I miss my friends and mourn for their families. I just want the suffering to end, it is enough. But ultimately, I long for the day a cure will be found to end this atrocious disease. To Kerri, Esther, Dale, and many, many more, know that you will not be forgotten. God be with you till we meet again.