T.G.I.W.
Originally published at bcvsbc.blogspot.com on 05/12/18
Thank God it's the weekend!
My week was crazy. You know I used to say that all the time before cancer. I would be tired from life and everything that gets piled up on you as a working mom with little kids. Now I know that I was a stupid ignorant idiot. I had no idea what that statement meant. So moving forward I try to really reflect on what the hell is actually going on and put it in perspective.
This was a crazy week.
Monday I had to rush like mad to get caught up on my Lowry work so I didn't hold up the billing process for all my co-workers. This was no small feat because I totally suck and I am behind on my paperwork. Sitting at a computer doesn't sound tiring, and before cancer it never was, but I was exhausted after that. Pretty sure all I did once I finished was sleep...
Tuesday we met with my oncologist. Scotty, my mom, and I all smashed into a little room where for the first time in this process I got to keep my clothes on (really I'm so used to my boobs needing to be on display that I had to ask the nurse if she was certain I didn't need to get naked). I have a great oncologist who is super calm and very confident in our treatment plan. Keep in mind that I am young for cancer, which seems stupid to say as you and I both know people younger than my 37 who have cancer, and that my tumors were the highest grade. Also I am HER2+. This all combines to be the most aggressive type of breast cancer and because of my age we need to be more aggressive in dealing with it than say, a 60 year old woman with a similar diagnosis.
With all of this factored in I will need 6 rounds of chemo in combination with a year of Herceptin. We all asked a lot of questions to be better prepared, but bottom line, chemo sucks. The only thing we know for sure is that my hair will fall out but beyond that it will be a waiting game to see how I respond. As for Herceptin there are way less side effects aside for one big one that can effect my heart. I will need a baseline EKG and then follow up EKG's throughout the year to monitor it. Fingers crossed the heart side effect decides to take mercy on me and NEVER SHOW UP.
There was also discussion about doing the treatments directly into my vein in my arm or getting a chest port. Every medical person I have met since being diagnosed has said, "you're young, it'll be fine". So no shock when the doc said "you're young, with good veins, direct IV should be fine." But I was skeptical because I've done some research and know that lots of not so great things can happen to your veins having chemo this way. It doesn't help that once you have lymph nodes removed you can not have blood draws or blood pressure taken on the side that the nodes were removed essentially leaving me with only one arm to do all the treatments in. We left shortly after that with an appointment for my baseline EKG and a tentative start date for chemo at the end of May.
The entire way home I kept thinking about the vein infusion versus the port. My friend Jamie had breast cancer at 27, while pregnant, she's a fierce warrior let me tell you, so she has given me pretty spectacular advice. At her recommendation I joined the Young Survivor Coalition. It is a nonprofit organization that connects women under 40 diagnosed with breast cancer all over the world. For me it has been a life saver. With the method of receiving chemo bothering me so much I sent out a message to my fellow sisters and asked for advice. In under a half an hour I had over 122 messages offering me what worked best for them. Out of those 122 only 7 did not recommend getting the port, and those 7 did not need as much treatment as I (they had a different form of breast cancer). Needless to say I emailed my ONC and explained that I felt a port was a safer choice for how long I was going to need treatment.
Wednesday was a great day. Prior to my diagnosis Scott and I had put our house up for sale. Over the past four years we have been trying to move to Ripon. We have actively tried to purchase numerous homes but get turned down because we don't have a million dollars in cold hard cash, or we have a contingent home sale, or we didn't put down over 50% cash, the list goes on and on and on. Ripon is where the kids swim and play water polo. It is also where they have made the most amazing friends, real friends that care about them. What should seem like a very easy thing to do, move to another town, has proven to be near impossible for us in Ripon.
Everyone wants to live there. It is a small town, with people centered around family and faith, where safety is number one, and kindness is knocking at it's door. Over the past year my kids have unfortunately found very little of those qualities in the "friends" they have school. I know there are people that I have shared very personal stories with about specific things that have taken place, and I don't want to share them publicly, but Scott and I felt that for our children's safety we had to remove them from the environment they were in at their school. This all meant that getting to Ripon had to be priority number one so we put our house on the market March 30th at around 10p.m. and it was sold by morning...I found out I had cancer the following Friday, April 6th.
Our original plan was to sell our house essentially to eliminate our offer being rejected because we had a contingent home sale, also to allow us to offer more money down in hopes of getting someone to sell us their house. We never dreamed it would sell so fast, or with a 30 day close. But God gave me the best parents on this Earth who rearranged their entire house so my family could move in. I know they are hoping we will not find a home to buy till I am 100% cancer free and 20 pounds heavier (my mom's main goal in life).
So, on Wednesday we signed all the documents to close on our house and officially have it sold! Fingers crossed this means that God is paving the way to the next home for our family. Oh and Emmy got her bands changed on her braces...she picked every shade of pink to support her mama, XO!
Thursday I headed to the hospital at 6 am to have my port installation surgery. Look at this point I look like Frankenstein. I am missing boobs. There are cuts on both sides of my chests. I have tubes coming out of my armpits for the drains. I can't shower so I still have orange iodine from the mastectomy surgery on me plus all the blue marks from the plastic surgeon criss-crossed on me. Basically I am a hot mess but it was worth it to see all the nurses surround my bed trying to figure out what to do with me for the port surgery. They were trying to be so nice and not expose my body to 7 different nurses at once as they discussed how to keep my drains out of the way, blood from getting all over me, keep my incisions safe. It was a long discussion. In the end the doctor came in and put everyone at ease with a game plan.
I was awake for the procedure and I am glad I was. The team that did the operation was hilarious. I loved them! I tried to convince them to all come back in a year or so when I am cancer free and can have the port removed. No joke I will keep that in my prayers and hope it happens.
Friday I saw my Plastic Surgeon, who I have decided is my best friend. How could he not be when he is going to make me LOOK like a woman again? In hopes that the drains would come out I did what any nervous but desperate woman would do, I wore white pants to the appointment. All women know if you want your period to start you where white pants. Well I figured same principle applies here. Those drains aren't pushing out clear liquid people! Guess what, it did work and I am now drain free. Please everyone reading this touch your armpits, move your arm up and down, back and forth. Now stick a marble in your armpit and squeeze it there as you try to move your arm up and down, back and forth. Do it for 2 weeks. Oh and then remember that I am missing over half my chest so I have no upper body strength at this time. The things I have taken for granted is a list that is getting immeasurable.