Chemosabe is a bitch
Originally published at bcvsbc.blogspot.com on 05/30/18
One down, five to go.
Sorry for the language but it's the truth. Chemosabe is never going to be my BFF, if anything the relationship will be more "frenemy" than friend. But most relationships, good or bad, have a specific reason for existing. With Chemosabe and me its a mutual effort to keep me alive for a long, long time. By keeping that in mind I am pretty much willing to put up with a whole hell of a lot.
As I said in the last post Chemo was scheduled for Friday. I was a bit nervous and had done lots of research to find out all the things I might need during the infusion. This resulted in us looking like we were heading to a swim meet instead of an appointment for me to sit on my butt for over 5 hours. The nurses all got a good laugh out of Scott being my pack mule when they brought us in and they teased us about being obvious first timers. In my defense when I am unsure I tend to over prepare, it's a solid coping mechanism.
The actual infusion was pretty painless. I have my port so that made it easy. The hardest part was seeing how many patients were there getting treatment. It was a revolving door of infusions for people with cancer and I was the youngest one in that room. Facing the drastic age difference at each appointment is really hard for me to get a handle on. Part of me is grateful I got cancer while I am young because I have youth in my favor, at least that is what the doctors keep telling me. The other part of me knows that the reality is I could have a shorter life than I have ever imagined possible because Cancer is a sneaky bastard.
My first treatment I knew was going to be long and during that time I had 4 roommates. I'm a friendly sort and was a little bummed that none of my roomies were chatty. But then they were there for an hour or less and I was in for the long haul. We started off with Herceptin, the medicine I will be getting for a full year. That had to be administered over almost two hours. Out of the three medicines in my cocktail H is way less toxic. It was pretty obvious how much less toxic it was when the nurse went to put my next medicine in the IV and had to be dressed in an additional apron and extra thick gloves before she could even touch the bag that the medicine was stored in. The additional two medicines, "T" and "C", the nurses had to get all dolled up to administer. So yeah, that is scary. They get numerous trappings to protect them and I get it shot straight into my veins.
During the first treatment the biggest concern is allergic reaction so I had to be observed for a little while. I seemed to be okay so we got booted out after almost 5 hours. The only thing I remember feeling during all the infusions was cold. When I got home all I remember thinking was how incredibly tired I was from sitting on my tush all day! I slept a lot Friday. Honestly I don't even know if I ate anything for dinner? But so far no vomit or diarrhea. OH FUN FACT! Once you get a chemo infusion they ask that you flush the toilet two times for 48 hours to make sure that all the toxins that came out of your body are completely gone from the toilet...chemosabe is one hard bitch to flush out.
Saturday I was exhausted, (this will be a common theme as I am typing this on day 6 and still feel just as tired as day 1), had serious stomach cramps, my head was pounding, and my face was on fire. I was able to eat and drink fine this day. Then Sunday arrived. Sunday I woke up with my face, neck and chest burning. When I looked in the mirror I had a rash covering each of those areas. It was bad to my eye. My face still looks like I hit puberty in the worst way. There are too many red bumps to count and some are hive like. NOT. FUN. I told Scott I would rather vomit than have all these painful bumps on my face with a constant burning sensation. We called advice nurse because it's a holiday weekend and they suggested taking Zyrtec during the day and Benadryl at night. In case you are wondering, that combination is not doing a damn thing.
From Sunday to Monday I had the same side effects; exhaustion, stomach cramps, face burning, rash, head itching, and then diarrhea and nose bleeds decided to make an entrance. Thankfully (I guess) it wasn't like the movies portray it but still not a walk in the park. Tuesday morning I woke up at around 3 am ready to rip my stomach out the nausea was so bad. My mom and Scott wanted to take me to the ER because, according to them, I looked like I was dead and moaning like a zombie. I popped one of my anti-nausea pills and fell asleep for three hours. Once I woke up I felt pretty normal. Thank the Lord for modern day medicine and the minds that have studied and researched to create it.
Today is day 6 post chemo and I sort of feel like myself minus the rash and burning sensation. I am really hoping that I can get something stronger for the rash. Seems dumb but I think that is the hardest side effect. My face, neck and chest are just killing me. Hopefully before the next infusion my doctor and I will be able to come up with a new medicine to help prevent that reaction. Then again if that is the harshest side effect I should count myself pretty darn lucky. I will keep my fingers crossed that the flu symptoms stay light, I do not get any mouth sores, and I am able to keep eating.
My friends, Megan and Jodie, gave me this shirt the day before chemo and I felt it was pretty appropriate for my first infusion. If I have learned anything over the past 6 weeks it is that my body is not complete. There is so much work to be done, both inside and outside, but in the end I pray my body will be healthy and healed. I know that I will never look the same, or be the me I used to know, but I will be alive. For the time being "under construction" seems to be right about where I am in this process.